Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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