And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
