i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
