4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Still dying that you shit outside
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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