im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
