you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize