sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
