She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
