Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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