I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
