you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
