talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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