I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
should my penis look like a turkey
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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