omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
