broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize