I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
