Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
