Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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