Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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