i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
