My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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