So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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