you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
