after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
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