i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
