Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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