In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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