so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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