And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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