First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
