She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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