the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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