I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
