Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
