:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Barsexuality is the new black.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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