My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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