Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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