He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
