you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
