Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we're chasing vodka with high fives
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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