How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Two words: blizzard sex
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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