dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
