I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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