Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
PANTIES FOUND
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