You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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