i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
