i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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