You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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