I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
