filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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