So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize