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• (314): View more from Missouri

  My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.

  (585): View more from New York

  I hate you.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself

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• (415): View more from California

  Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?

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• (310): View more from California

  Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.

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• (228): View more from Mississippi

  HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?

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• (731): View more from Tennessee

  Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises

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