I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
