does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
