This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
