I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
