Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You need Xanax blowdarts
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
