nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she was so not down for the gang bang
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
50% drunk capacity currently
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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