that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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