tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I wish there were birth control emojis
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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