(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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