I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I deserve this hangover.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
