We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
