i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
