They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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