just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize