we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This is classic penis vs brain.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
