is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize