Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
there is glitter all over my balls
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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