I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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