the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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