Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
