there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
